Updated last on 8-6-01

you cannot stop papa goulash, you can only hope to contain it

Ruth impressed me with her spandex kitchen dinette set. But she was enthralled by my impression of wheat bread.

My sister lost her virginity to car insurance.

I deliver a gorilla press slam to all my unfound homies who cannot carry the biscuit of happy endings.

Me and this girl were having sex, and she turned silver. I hit her with the macaroni and cheese and fuck happend.

My appointment with Dr. Murdock was crystalized with pants.

I was high off a loaf of bread when i was baptized by a gremlin in tokyo in a bowl of gravy and smoked links.

Me and mom were smelling like spaghetti and the homely crayons gave me a beard of grapes.

I think my skeleton is one giant almond.

Chris wanted me to try this new cybornetic bacon with penzoil as a substitute for grease. I was about to eat it, when all of a sudden it transformed into a bathroom...so we shat.

Host my eggs in the tiggle necronomicon which is jay (meathead).

To all the masses who fear for their asses, they don't know the half of it. <d>

While steadily riding the quadular wheeled thing. I came across the dynasty which is burger king, where i met the lunch back of notre dame.

The gender allies exist among the fiercest of prey. Go right ahead and take their head, but don't dare to look back! xoDxo

Me and a pack of wolves were trying to fold my car in half, then magnets came over and we made fun of his spider breath.. and at the same time i shared my giant grilled cheese with all of society.

In a way trees are balloons of the earth. And I... well, I am Zartan.

doy de doy de yadda de ya! -Mike Patton

I traded 3 slices of heaven for a lettuce capacitator while dirk got wacked in the rug by.

I couldn't thank Leonard enough for lending me his cotton candy pentagram. [ D ]

Merf and Merkins were playing strip rugby with a stove when Captain Jim came over to paint the house a deep shade of... sdorp!

Who's ouiji board? Lou.. Who's Lou? Lou ouiji. * D *

Chris was captured by the nougarian hordes near the west wing, if you could... Peanut butter my bologna.

Why tap the frequency of my barnyard connection ?

And she turned to him and said, "With this food, I thee wed." {D}tox

I was making a house out of the arms of my old toys. Only gay aligators will come over, so we just play tic tac toe with opium.

There's cinnamon toast crunch in my equilibrium.

I heard that snakes live longer if you put them in soup, not true though. They turn into an old guy.

Imperial breakfast arms bring solice and gravy to my dominican.

Fondle me Elmo and I were lost somewhere in East, Western forbidden lands. There were at least seven pairs of titties talking amongst themselves. < D >

One night I had the option of eating three different kinds of chips. I suppose I could have sampled all three, but Ormugulanti, the emperor of chippety goodness would have dipped me in the never ending ocean of salsa.

Canada, Japan, and Germany should get one collective country and just be Weird together. (JAH)

I rest in the valley with my stealth burger dominance.

Mitch Said that in a dream he was visited by Dracula and he told him. Look to the sky holding lettuce and say "Cheeseburger sized lemons caress my acres" and you will get a free dessert at Denny's.

Billy, Steve, and Joey dressed as Mexican revolutionaries in the Mayapan and Mixtecan Liberated Territories for Halloween. None of them received candy. [d]

Walt Disney was a spirit in the form of a skeleton somewhere in the late 800's. His image has been locked up in a stupid box shaped like a mouse, until he was released in the early 1900's somewhere in Hollywood Hills. @D@

One night uncle bread tought us how to make napalm out of root beer, 2 eggs, and a wombat.

Deep within the walls of Dirk's house keeps the Dirty Sanchez. He likes penut butter and makes two things happen at once. It's weird! (jah)

Monodublious shot me with the chocolate laser, so I had to aquire the eternal beastiality adamance from Travisious, the Greek God of porn.

I took a disappearing poop on the principle's salad and told him it was transparent ranch. + D +

Last night I was waxing the atrium with 20 kilos of mayonnaise.

There's this one haggard soup ass bitch that smells like a stop sign in the fall.

Step off my fuck, I know cereal.

In the land of orange demise, I make love passionately to lettuce.

Me and Kyle were playing "Lick the raccoon". But Kyle licked the bear... so he lost, he also died.. I win!!

All day I bathe my sorrow in the magnet broth.

When I was in the temple of Norgulistics, I got a complementory tool box filled with salad.

Mitch tips were strewen amongst the beverage nook when I looked up. Pls. Fax this! {FLU}

Fellow members of the hard ass donkey gang bangers for youth development, I have very high hopes of tonigh's escapade, and am grateful for the mass involvement. [D]

Around 12 days ago, I needed a spinal operation with Egyptian cowboy jello, hold this bread.

I used to be in this band called Sausage Boat, I did all the narcolepsy solos, get fucked.

Bald Porcupine, Hangin' out in the breezeway, gettin' head from a moron, hemmingway! Rattin' out my thugs, Ima' cutcha little slice of my cheese [fresh OCH lyrics, by D]

Me and Janet Speaks French licked cardboard with the secret bear.

Back home on the ranch me and Pa ate jello from the duplex.

Sometimes I think deeply about having a refrigerated suitcase.

May the mint caccoon of eternal joy be a part of your day.

Luke Pie Stalker took out water in one fatal blow. {D}eath star

Sensa and Milla, rivals of the 19th century decided to combine forces to form the ultimate Green Lobster. [D]mented

I think we need to be more in touch with fish, they always hide in the water, but secretly I think they want to eat steak with us.

I had a dream that Medievil headless horses were at a casino making sure the fillet was sandwiched. I then remembered what "fuck the eggs" stood for, and the jelly set anyay! <LambChop>

Me and my nizzle went to the kizzle cuz he said it was off the hizzle fa shizzle so we trizzled and then dizzled. $ Dank E $

What do you do with 5 frozen dildos? Poke them with the apricot chips...Soak in gasoline...Count to 8 1/3, hope for the best. <LambChop>

What do you call a blown out dinosaur? Lick-a-lot-of-Lobster divided by bread. {D}meaning

One tepid evening, me and dead animals were feeding water to bread and Mitch hooked me up with dyke tips.

Five weeks ago, Chris, Earle, Craig, Cupcake, Yeingyu, Koz, Henry and some dirt sacrificed their souls to BarpnibulI.. The immortal warrior of wheat bread.

Hey, what's up? Do you remember when we were playing "eat things you find outside"? I ate a pinecone and you ate a stick. I don't remember how to win that game....

Charles and I were putting ham in the toaster, then I blacked out...And all of a sudden, ham was putting me in the toaster. So don't do that.

We were all at the Orange Cardboard Holiday concert and they were throwing out free stuff to the crowd. I got the stove... And now I get to sit down all the time in this chair with wheels.. *rock*

I was going out with this one girl, and everything was going cool...Except her breath smelled like lemon and tires.

Me and Chris were seeing who could eat the most wax paper, but Chris grabbed the acid sheet by accident..But instead of dying, we threw a sausage keg party.

Across many lands, me and my appartment slice Sam cooked up a wrench banana suitcase keychain.

I was hanging out in this one garbage bag and my friend steve was there and we played basketball, then I had to get out cuz I was pretty much dead.

Yo, there was this one time right, when i was playing baseball with a beachball, and I ended up shooting some guy in the hair. But it was cool cuz he was my baby's momma.

How could anyone forget the time when Me, Chris, and some chick went to the national hangar convention in Mississippi. A guy was playing hide and seek and he hid at the botton of the river. That's when I was old ebough for Uncle Melissa to tell me that hangars can hang pants too.

Me and Jeff went to this one haunted house and when I turned the corner I was attacked by a pound of steak and Jeff was all like "uh?". So we just left and played with this grape fruit.

Me and Niplalasahha found Ken's collection of ass pants, so I put them on backwards and ate sun chips 'till the break of dawn.

Chris and I we're playing volley ball and somehow I ended up in a breifcase, so I just watched TV.

You have to look at things in nipospect, ok?

Me and Chris were playing poker, but we only had 2 cards, and I had the ace of nips.. Then we just played rugby with a dead squirrel

I stabbed this one guy I don't know so well with an egg.

Uno, dose, trace, I can't find my car. -Gravy-

How about this one dimensional portal I fell into over the weekend, everyone has pie shaped faces, and glasses of orange juice for arms, I'll be back next week.

If the day after Halloween, I'm strung out in the bathroom holding a frying pan, then you'll know why. -Dr. Manhatten-

Me and some guy named Rosco we're playing golf with these electric rice cakes and my uncle Ted who is the Easter Bunny.

Theres nothing like a lawnmower thats made out of a tortilla, but anyways I smell like a T.V. set.

I smell like G.T. -Cheese in a can-

If it's not a pretzel, I don't want to hear about it. -Gravy-

One time Otis Spunkmeyer and I made a record for Motown, 1968. -Dr.RosenRosen-

One time, I was playing my dog like a piano, but it made the record skip so I went Orange Bitch. -Manhatten-

One time I was swimming in some lava, and my skin and stuff melted off, I was like "ah damn"

Hey, Bigbird, missed ya'll at the party last night. "Niggaz" -Bags `o Weed-

Man, I seriously rememnber this time when I was trapped in a mailbox and Mr. Laceski mailed a cheeseburger, I was like thanks.

One time, I tried to make tea, so I stuck my balls in some boiling water and screamed "Gay!" -Dr. Manhatten-

I was walking down the street, thats about it. "?"

Kev and myself were making some potion for his chemistry class and I poured some out to my dead homies, and they all came back to life, I was like "sup".

At, um some store, they were selling liquid chips and dry dip, then we fit ken inside a cereal box

Back in the day I used to dress up shovels and take them to rave parties, but the clothes would always fall off and people would find out that it was a shovel.

If the inner apartus of some guy named Greg is the bronze bowl of pasta salad what am I going to wear to the recreation center??

I'm the enchanting wizard of toast flavored jolly ranchers.

Brutal juice is the key to this one lock at my house.

I don't quite remember the time when me and Dr. Manhatten used to get sober and talk to dolphins, you just had to be there I guess.

Dearborn house milk. -Why?-

Metalamis and myself were seeing who could fit theirselves in the freezer and our clock stopped so it's been Thursday for about three weeks now, and we both fit in the freezer so we just played cards.

I was on my way to the hair saloon , but everyone was throwing dynomite at me because they recognized me from the hit show "throw a stick of dynomite at me".

I was looking at the G.H. website but i couldn't look at his friend jeff because i don't have an 18+ account. *Fluid*

Pants are my destiny. (G.H. Mode Squad)

The other day, Bags o' Weed stuck my weed in his ear. Needless to say,he's absent today. -Dope Slangin Flu Dog-

I'll never forget the wisdom of AL Dewton especially when he said. "Anything you want to be yours, alls you gotta do is stick it in your ear and you can keep it."

Did you forget (ferget) the time that G.T. tried to get cheese from the fridge (Not the football guy) but he was stopped by the fridge God, but then he listened to Bob Marley, then he got up, stood up for his rights. -Dr. B.M.-

One Day Bags o' weed walked into the bathroom, and the Pee- kid was laughing and peeing all over the place....I just don't know. -Punk Rock Jeff-

I'll always forget the time when I was dreaming about my fridge, then I woke up with a grapefruit on my chest, that dream was "weeeirrd".

This one yesterday I put a hit on G. H. Corleone, but then I ate a grape froot and wolfboy peed on my leg. -Dr. Manhatten-

Ape chips!?! Dig -Flulio-

Neva eva le da devil pay yo bills! NAW! -Dr. M-

I was signing up to join a fitness club and the monthly fee was $20 or you could wear a cooked chicken as pants, my favorite workout was the nip extensions.

One time I had sex with a robot but it was in a bathtub, so I thought it was a duck. ^Dr. M^

One time Curtis scratched my windsheild with his ring, but then he said "it's cool..." #Pedro#

Me and my collection of inside out boxes went to see the Dewton's on Saturday until some guy hit me with a suitcase full of frozen newspapers, then I went somewhere else.

They had green, blue, yellow and white guys on He-Man but no black guys huh? "C.C.">by G.T.

Me and the doubley nep put on some Nirvana, then we did some table slides but the doubley nep wanted to stop cuz the annual neppy awards was on.

We were having a contest to see who could throw the most stuff at Ken in 16 seconds and Mitch #36 won because he threw my collection of tractor repair kits at him.

Yea, there was this one time that we took Kev to the park and he wanted to bring his lucky laundry basket but Sam was like "nope" because the last time he filled it up with metamorphic rocks.

One time I was up at G.H. stoodios kickin' some fat shit,but E-child wouldn't give me a dolla on my 40 so i capped his ass. But it's a-ight cuz we homays. -Lamanamanoomy-

Theres some chick who's my friend but she doesn't like me, I made her a soup castle.

One of my favorite stray dogs eats the halfs of all my batteries, kind of like a twix.

Me and Kevin were trying to hammer nails in the street and we found a dead giraffe so we played with it on my slip and slide.

One evening i dreamt that everything in the world fell on me, even some guy's electric rice cake holder. -Cool-mo-T-

Those people in coffins buried in the golf course must get bored.

You know when you go outside and you take a hose and water a batch of blueberry muffins? Well today all I could find were these things that grow out of the ground and smell like girls.

There was one day that we were kicking around some guy's toolbox, and he was like "Thanks, I was meaning to do that" then he made us carrot brownies.

We were playing a good old fashioned game of run into the brick wall, but I accidently ran into the wall with spikes, so I was eliminated.

They were having a "left handed" convention, and I went, but I am right handed, no one knew..

Yesterday we were at some water park and all my cells fell out, and I was like "C'mon, what's this!?" So we just went to the arcade.

Strap on Bob Clark (and the late fees)

The only items you need to have fun on a Wednesday night are a gallon of milk, a banana cigar, the Cleavland Indians and of course some plomhigoymis.

Hey! wait a second, over the weekend I bought a pair of pants that only had one pant leg, so me and Cupcake played baseball with Beatrice's house, it played short stop.



Me and this one guys were trying to make water, but we didn't have enough of that one ingrediant.

I was once told that apes live in volcanos because I never see them, and no one ever goes in volcanos anymore. So I think they might be there.

There's these two girls in my rug science class that I can tell, like me, because they're always throwing stuff at me. It's so obvious.

E-child and I were playing a game of "Arm-Legs" where you have to try to move around the whole house without using your arms or legs, and the loser has to fall down in the street a bunch of times.

The only idea I have right now is to pour lemonade on some dirt

How can anyone forget the time when we were playing "fill up the bag with stuff" and I ran out of stuff to put in mine, so I just put my head in it, I still lost though.

I hate girls who try to eat your hands while your sleeping.

You know how they say the earth is 70% water? I guess that means there's more room on the ocean floor than on land, So why don't we move all that water to land and move all our stuff to the ocean floor and live there. We can just all drink the left over water.

My mom always makes fun of me when I wear my pants for a shirt and a watermelon for pants; but mom, times change, and I know what's cool okay?

I am trying to remember why trap doors ever went out of style.

Instead of garbage men taking our trash to some landfill where it will never go away, why don't we have magicians come around each week on a horse and just make all our trash disappear. I think that would work out nicely

Sometimes if I really have to pee, and I just pretend to go, it helps.

Sometimes when I'm falling in this hold by my house, I pretend I am watching T.V. and it goes by faster.

I think Spiders should be in control of the world because they're pretty smart, and a lot of people are affraid of them, so I'm sure we'd obey anything they want us to do.

I am going to start a band called "your mom" that way we can be like "Thank you all for showing up, we're your mom".

I would think being dug out of water would be easier than being dug out from dirt, because water is easier to scoop with a shovel.

The only problem with those clear walls is that they shatter when you throw heavy stuff at them.

I think a more effective way of selling a garage instead of "one car" or "two car" would be like "Fits cars, and a bunch of other junk you never use" Isn't that the truth though?(A roof acts like a spider web to action figures and frisbees)

We saw these kids playing acid tag. The person who is "it" first pours a bucket of acid on one of the other kids. The game doesn't usually last too long because the second person to be "it" dies.

One time I got a call from my good friend telling me about this giant apple his neighbor had. And he said, "just go there and take it, even if they aren't home" So i went there and no one was home..But the apple was too heavy to lift, so i started eating it. Then the people came home and I ran out and pretended I was never there. I knocked at the door and said.."I heard you guys have a really big apple, can I have it?" And he went to go get it for me and saw that I had ate most of it already. So the big black guy chased me outside with a white work glove and started punching my car.

Me and this one chick were trying to make a cookie dough shirt for this awards banquet I had to go to, but I accidently threw a keg of beer at her.

Ken and I were watching plant porn and his mom who is also dead came in and caught us, so now Ken has to be buried for a week. (Ken = this dead guy we found)

*Attention Ladies* I'm looking for a girl who can make me happy, we can go out and have fun, but there's one condition, she has to smell like brand new tires.

A garage is sort of like a tomb for vehicals if you get technical like turn signal fluid. (Ray Ray inspiration)

Sometimes when I'm rollin in my S89, some big black guy throws a bucket of chicken salad at me.

I was ice fishing and I caught a block of ice, which is very ironic..because when you are ice fishing, you are not really fishing for ice, you are fishing for fish in the ice. (kith)

Me and some bitch were pouring alcohol on our face and lighting it, it was pretty okay.

There's this one girl I know that smells like mononucleosis with a small helping of roast beef.

Once upon this one day, mitch was trying to sacrifice my 40oz jug of Peterbread and Schwarmas..but i was like raise off these n-i-p's cuz you gets none of these...at ease (recoded live at G.H. studios)

There's so many terrible bands, I think Satan needs to come back from hell sporting the coolest jean jacket ever seen, along with a sausage necklace..Then he could blow up all these fake "wanna be satan, with a cool jean jacket" bands with his tank, because he's satan and he has to have his own tank.

Some of those vanilla suede chip avengers smell like roasted hockey helmet bitches.

Myself and that girl ventured into the remote controlled realm of magic markers, it was different than the inside of an oven.

Me and Grandpa went out looking for a new car, but we ended up just humping all the cars in the lot like always.

Me and the guy who's on fire were trying this new drug called "old people's medicine" and unlike other drugs with fancy names, old people's medicine really is old people's medicine.. I took this one black one..And then everything smelled like a stove, then i mixed it with a gray one and my arms came off and started trying to pull my face off. Try that shiit.

Cupcake and myself were seing how much money we could eat before getting sick or dying and i bet my vegetable helmet that i would win. But I only ate $300 and he ate $6,000 but then i shouted "as aranhas sugam o burro" and poured sausage grease on his spinne ass and took my helmet.

I'll never forget when we used go to old man Dave's house when we were young, for fresh banana bread then we'd all watch him play the piano with his ass, he was really old.

Back when Fluid hada jerry curl, me and all the gang bangin' thugs used to try to set soap on fire and harass Willie, the pirate chef from Daly's.

A lot of people complain about, mosquitos and other bugs in the summer time. But I think we'd appreciate them if it were bears that came out during the summer time and bit us, or land sharks even.

I'm not sure, but I think it's been proven that bigfoot likes hot dogs. I guess some sketch artist set up some bait and sketched him as he was grabbing the weenies, it was a very good drawing also.

Cupcake and I were making super pretzel jock straps, then out of no where cupcake showed me his collection of spider porn. I felt weird watching it with him there, so I went in the other room and put on my cold English muffin hat and listened to Gypsy music the rest of the night.

Slap around a rabid weasel and put him in your fridge, and when your friend comes over, offer him a pop and tell him it's in the fridge. <Case DoG>

A few weeks back I got a tattoo of a loaf of bread on my leg, but then I started liking toast, so I got a toaster next to it. But then I started liking sandwiches so we took the sponge cake for a ride on the boat and some Asian whore mermaid was there (I go to office max like every day)


If any of these are on here twice then you can go ass yourself.

E-mail me any fun thoughts or stories you have.




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