Title of Article: Buried Animals call your name

Fall down, eat your TV, kick a man named steve, if you eat spaghettios everyday for 6 years, you have tapeworm, buy tape worm food, make out with your fridge, eat a lot of meat, drink beer, paint your canned goods fleshtone, offer packets of ranch dressing to a police officer..say it’s for charity, chew bubble tape with chicken legs, dye your arm hair, if you’re reading this get up, take 5 steps, lift your knee up to your face, raise one arm, say “shamlip mog ape lemon chalk head”, it doesn’t matter if you say it wrong, but you must do this. Okay, good job, if there is someone else there at your home, go up to them and ask them if they have any warewolf medicine, they will know what you mean, if no one is home with you, call your closest friend and ask them, they will know too. If you have a wound on your body rub deoderant on it 3 times and shout “hot dog woman” you must do this because there’s nothing stopping you. If you’re still reading this stop reading it for 15 seconds and think about something you didn’t do yesterday...Okay, hi..Now go outside with 2 different types of fruit, or anything else you can find and ask...”what?” that’s all. Okay You’re almost ready. Now look up and say “Carmen Harmen is the hottest black woman in detroit", now don’t say that, now put something in your face, now think about eating a juicy steak. Okay, now you’re ready..Go out there and buy lunch and mail a letter or something, people like letters. All I can say is you’re welcome. -G.T.-

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